The Game of Life...

*I started writing this in late October, this is where I was in my life. It is funny how quickly things can turn around.

I haven't had much motivation or material to write this blog lately. Frankly, I've been pretty down in the dumps. I blame society, change of seasons, lack of serotonin, lack of exercise, excessive red wine consumption, frost on my windshield, the show Intervention (that shit gets me!), stupid boys and society. But nevertheless- like everyone else, I truck on!

I'll share a little ditty that provided some inspiration- a friend's sister-in-laws cousin has a job where she is required to work with children all day (gah!) and was playing the board game "The Game of Life" a few weeks ago. She asked me when the last time was I had played this game? I'm gonna say like 2 decades. She said, yeah- it is pretty much bullshit! She was going through the game and was being rewarded for getting married, having kids, buying a house! She had to use everything in her power not to flip the game over and scream WTF (she is also a single, 30-something woman)! She was getting red in the face over this and the kid she was playing with was like: "are you okay?". Damn the man!

Upon a quick wikipedia search, I have discovered that "The Game of Life" was:

• Created in the year 1860
• Made into an actual board game and copyrighted by Milton Bradley (old d-bag) in 1963
• Updated in the mid-80's to reflect inflation of the dollar. Really?!?!?
• Updated in 1991 to reward players for "good" behavior, such as recycling trash and helping the homeless. Oh Milton, you are so with the times!
• There is an app for it
• It hasn't been updated since the 90's
• And a bunch of other useless shit

The bottom line of this very popular game is that you get rewarded for all those things that are currently keeping me down in the dumps (I am not married, have no babies or a house). You do get some cash for having a career and then getting a promotion- how progressive of you Milton! But, you get the most money for marrying and popping out babies. I now have some displaced anger towards Mr. Bradley- sorry dude but you SUCK. This whole game is dumb, no one should buy it as it personifies why I feel like hell lately. 

Oh course you know I am going to propose some new rules for "The Game of Life according to a Smart, Independent, Single Woman circa 2012", the following things are more likely to happen to people now than buying a house, procuring health insurance or getting a raise. Those things are difficult to come by in 2012, so here we go:

• You have an STD!- Lose thousand of dollars for medical expenses.
• A 22 year-old right out of college takes your job for less money because the economy sucks!- Lose your apartment and some weight because you can't afford groceries. 
• You get a part-time job babysitting someone else's kids so their mom can go to the gym and get a pedicure!- Gain $100/week. Lose your dignity.
• You attempt to further your education by taking classes in addition to working full-time (Extra Superstar Bonus Points here)!!!- Gain knowledge and hopefully some day a job! Lose your sanity because you are drowning in debt, have no social life and bags under your eyes. 
• Your STD cleared up!- Gain some of your sanity back! 
• Your sister/cousin/friend/co-worker is getting married and you have no dates in sight! Gain free booze and a possible hook-up at the wedding! Lose lots of money and your self respect for said hook-up in the bathroom of the reception area. 
• Your ex-boyfriend gets married! LOSE!!!!

And so it goes...as with everything I say- you should probably take all of this with a grain of salt. If we are still playing games like this, we are not moving forward- we are stuck in the past. Frankly, I am fine with where I am in my "Game of Life". I don't know how I can go about in changing these attitudes because Milton Bradley is dead (I think), so I will just bitch about it here like all privileged Americans and enact my first amendment rights- cause ain't nobody got time for that.